When I first began working with clients, one thing that surprised me was just how impactful it was for many clients to learn 1 simple truth:
“Our thoughts are just thoughts.”
They’re not necessarily true. They’re not necessarily helpful. And they’re not necessarily indicative of our actual beliefs or feelings or desires.
So What ARE Our Thoughts?
Most of our thoughts are pre-reflective. Sure, some of our thoughts come about because we deliberately pause and reflect and intentionally think those thoughts (not that those are necessarily true or helpful or indicative either). But many of our thoughts aren’t the product of intentional reflective thinking
Intruders!
Most of our thoughts pop into our head before we even intentionally have those thoughts. They are intruders! This is especially true of negative thoughts and anxious thoughts. They bust down the doors of our mind, barge in, and often cause a big raucous!
What Do My Thoughts Say about Me?
They are not necessarily who you truly are. They are not necessarily what you truly believe when you stop and really think about it. And they are not indicative of how you are going to act.
If you have the random thought of swerving your car into oncoming traffic, it does not necessarily mean that you have any actual desire to or that it is at all likely that you are going to take that action.
An Exercise
Quick: think about robbing a bank. Imagine yourself doing it. Go!
Okay, you thought about robbing a bank. The fact that you perhaps pictured yourself doing it in your mind does not mean that you want to. And it does not mean that you’re going to. And, if in an hour from now, the thought crosses your imagination again, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are a bad person.
It just means that you have an imagination and that you have experienced things in life that have allowed such a thought to cross your mind.
So What?
When we begin to see that “thoughts are just thoughts”, the negative or anxious thoughts often lose some of their power over us.
Having the thought, “I am an idiot” does not mean that you are an idiot or that you even really do think that about yourself. It only means that the thought crossed your mind. But if that’s where the process stops – with that thought – then you may indeed end up settling on that conclusion.
But when we remember, “thoughts are just thoughts”, it becomes easier to notice a thought, see it as “just a thought”, not necessarily true, challenge the accuracy of the thought, and replace it with alternative, more helpful, often more accurate thoughts that leave you feeling better!
